Fletcher the Kangaroo: Life and Death - Chapter Twenty
Have you read the previous chapters yet?
Lying by the edge of the lake, Fletcher closed his eyes and rested. He had learnt a lot from his discussion with the other members of his group and he took his time allowing himself to absorb the new ideas. He felt tired but not in the same way as on earth. Back then he could feel the exhaustion, right down to his bones. Here, it was different. His body felt light and free—that never changed; the fatigue was in his mind. The discussion with his group had pushed him to try things he had never tried before and it felt exhilarating. Exhausting, but exhilarating. He was tingling all over with motivation to learn as much as possible and to practise everything that he learned.
Even though he knew it to be true, he marveled at how he no longer felt any negative emotions. There was no hurt or pain at this level of existence. He could remember how those emotions had felt when he was alive on earth, and he understood their purpose, but it was a relief to know that they no longer existed for him. He sighed a happy sigh. He was here in his place. He was surrounded by his closest friends. He was continually learning new things. And he knew that Ariana was always there for him, always willing to help.
As if she had heard her name, Ariana hopped towards Fletcher and sat by his side. “You’re having a nice rest, it seems.”
“I am. I was looking over the water and my eyes drifted shut. I was thinking about how good it feels to always feel so…. good.”
Ariana smiled. “It feels extra special when you have recently returned from life on earth, when the challenges and the pain are still quite fresh in your mind. You’re noticing the contrast, Fletcher, and it’s the perfect way to recover.”
“I think I’ve recovered from my life but you’re right, it’s a nice contrast. I was pretty happy on earth—most of the time, anyway—but that happiness doesn’t compare to how I feel here.”
“And that’s how it should be. This is our natural state. As you know, we only create difficulties and challenges for learning purposes, but we always return home again. Pain is only ever meant to be temporary.”
“I know all that in theory, but when you’re going through it it feels so real. And the contrast—as you described it—it’s…. I don’t know, I can really feel it, that’s all.
“I’m glad my life wasn’t all about hard times, though. I had my mama and my grandma, even Miles, Silkie and Sonny. Well, Sonny got under my skin sometimes, but I felt really close to the others.”
“And you should take a lot of the credit for that. I watched over you your entire life and you made me so proud. Your family was good to you but you were also very good to them. Don’t ever forget that.”
Fletcher’s eyes opened wide, realising the truth of what Ariana had just said. “You were with me the whole time, weren’t you?”
“Of course I was. I’m your teacher, or guide, or whatever name you want to use. I was with you throughout your entire life.”
“Miles is part of our group too, so you must be looking over him right now. Is that true?”
“It is. I am sitting here talking to you but I am also by Miles’ side. Every moment of every day.”
“You’re in two places at once.”
Ariana nodded. “With practice, that gets easier. But yes, I can be in many places at once. There have been times when up to five members of our group have been on earth at the same time and yes, I was with each one.”
“As well as teaching the others who were still here?”
“Certainly. I was taught how to be a guide, just like I was taught how to spread my energy so that I can simultaneously exist in more than one place. It’s effortless for me now, but I had to learn. And you are learning so much, Fletcher. Everything is unfolding exactly as it should.”
“I wish I could have felt you with me when I was alive.”
“I believe you did, at times.”
“Oh no,” Fletcher said. “I had no idea you were there.”
“Are you sure about that? Don’t you remember feeling the sunlight on your face?”
“Yeah, I loved that. But, hang on. Wait a minute. Was that you? Are you saying the sun on my face was actually you?”
“I thought it would be a nice way to reach out to you. And yes, at the times when you needed me most, I was right there.”
Fletcher thought back over some of the hard times in his life. “I could have done with some help after my dad died. That’s when I really felt alone.”
“Fletcher, you were never alone. No-one is ever alone. From every tiny ant to the largest creatures that exist—each one is guided and protected at all times.”
Fletcher felt a wave of emotion wash over him. “Really? You were there with me? I had no idea.”
“Think back, Fletcher. Think back to the day Martin died. Where did you go that afternoon?”
“I went down to the river, then home for the rest of the day.”
“Yes, and you lay in the sun. Don’t you remember? You had the sun on your face for a couple of hours at least.”
“And that was really you?”
“It was. Of course, I was with you anyway, but the sunlight strengthened our connection. You felt that while you were alive. Perhaps not as much as usual on that particular day because your grief was so acute, but for the most part you went looking for sunshine to lie in.”
“Because it felt so good.”
“Exactly. And now you understand why.”
“So, I was never alone,” Fletcher murmured. “What about Miles? Does he sit in the sun way I used to?”
“I have a different way of reaching out to Miles.”
“And what’s that?”
“He likes to have the back of his neck scratched. When I scratch it for him, he feels it as a tingly sensation. That’s how I strengthen my connection with him, especially during hard time. And I’ve been doing it a lot lately.”
“So, you can see Miles right now?”
“I can indeed.”
“I can’t. I could only see him when you made that window on the lake.”
“Again, I learned it as part of my training to become a guide. I can see him in my mind.”
“What’s Miles doing?”
“He’s asleep. It’s the middle of the afternoon and he’s sleeping on the parkland, not too far from his home.”
“Are you scratching his neck right now?”
“I wasn’t, but I can do that if you’d like me to.”
“I would, if it’s OK.”
“Of course. There we go.”
“Can you send him my love?”
“Certainly. There we are. You’ll enter his dream state before long. He’s going through a difficult time right now but he will get through it. I’m pleased with how he’s progressing.”
“I’m glad you’re helping him so much, Ariana.”
“Don’t forget Fletcher, that you can help him too. Keep talking to him and send him your love and healing. Every bit of it helps.”
Feeling energised and motivated, Fletcher stood up and hopped along the water’s edge. He was really starting to get a sense of his own power. He had been back for long enough now that he was in tune with his purpose. He could remember his life on earth but it had somehow settled into the background, and he now wanted to practise all the things he was learning so that, next time he went to earth, he wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. Not that he was planning on returning any time soon, but one day he would go back. When the time was right.
Looking out over the water, he stood tall and beat his paws on his chest. The vibrations travelled through his entire body. He was Fletcher. He was powerful. He could read minds. He could send healing to Miles. And he would keep learning new ways to handle grief.
He remembered back to a time long ago when he and his group had studied other topics. They had worked on beauty and humility. Fletcher had lived six lifetimes learning to appreciate the beauty within himself, others and the world around him. Even things that seemed really difficult often had a layer of beauty hidden somewhere within. It took Fletcher a few lifetimes before he became competent at seeing himself as beautiful and was able to accept his flaws. That hadn’t come easily but he had eventually made significant progress.
Then his group had studied humility. Most of his lifetimes during this period were in coastal regions, particularly around the central NSW beaches. Following Ariana’s suggestions, he lived a couple of lives as the alpha male and had to carry out his leadership role without becoming too wrapped up in his sense of self-importance. It was interesting for him to reflect on his view of Stanley in his most recent lifetime. Stanley wasn’t a very gentle leader—he was keen to display his authority over the mob. Fletcher remembered being that way himself. Even though he had been annoyed by Stanley while he was alive, he could see now that it was all part of a learning process.
He knew that there would be more topics to come in the future—topics such as denial, betrayal, abandonment, building trust…. There was so much to learn but he had unlimited time. He wondered whether there ever came a time when kangaroos learned all that there was to know. Did they ever stop incarnating? He would have to ask Ariana about that. She would know.
He turned around and saw Silkie sitting on the sand over near the rocks. He hopped towards her. “Hi Silkie. Can I join you?”
“Of course. How are you, Fletch?”
“I’m great. Really great. Everything is making so much more sense to me.”
“That’s terrific. You seem to have settled back in really well. It didn’t take long this time.”
Fletcher grinned. “Practice makes perfect, I guess.”
“I’m going to my place in a little while. Would you like to come too? You haven’t been there since you’ve been back.”
“Sure thing. I remember your place—all those daffodils—they extend out as far as the eye can see.”
Silkie stood up. “That’s right. To me, daffodils represent happiness. Each one was created to remind me of a time when I was happy.”
“I remember. They reach back across all your lifetimes. It’s a beautiful way to recall the good times you have been through.”
“That’s right. I know the hard times are more important overall, because that’s when we really learn important lessons, but it’s important to also remember all the good times. Come on Fletch, let’s go.”
They moved easily through the wall of the pod and floated through the blue light. Fletcher looked at some of the other pods as he passed them. They were huge balls of white light that glowed brightly against the darker background. He looked up and saw that the pods that were further away appeared to be smaller—stretching so far into the distance that they appeared to go on forever. It was the same if he looked down, or to the left or the right. There were countless pods, all containing a group of kangaroos just like his own—studying, practising and learning how to be better.
“It’s a good view, isn’t it?” Silkie said.
“It sure is. I love the bright lights shining in the darkness, with the coloured corridor weaving through them. Let’s go back a bit, Silkie. Come with me so we can see it from further back.”
Fletcher and Silkie had done this together many times before but not any time recently. They veered off to the left, out of the coloured corridor, into the darkness. The darkness was a deep blue—not quite black, closer to indigo. They floated gently in the silent darkness until they could see the entire structure as a whole. The corridor had now changed to yellow. Whenever Fletcher travelled along it, it seemed to be going straight ahead, but from this distance, he could see that it was always gently curving and it made a gigantic spiral shape. And all the way along it had pods off to the left and the right. He and Silkie hovered in the darkness and took in the beauty of what they could see.
“It’s so big,” Fletcher whispered. “There must be thousands of kangaroos altogether.”
“Probably millions. Let’s keep going, Fletch. Let’s go to my place.”
They returned to the coloured corridor and arrived at Silkie’s place almost immediately.
“Here we are. Come on in.”
Fletcher smiled. The air in Silkie’s place was so clear—it reminded him of early mornings on earth, when the sun had started to rise but the temperature was still cool. “And there they are. Daffodils everywhere.”
“I started working on some other flowers but I still want daffodils to be the main focus.”
“Other flowers? What others?”
“I tried some wattle but I wanted a mixture of colours, just for something different. So I made some pink and white roses. They’re nice but I’m not sure they really suit my place. Come along and let me show you.”
Fletcher followed Silkie across the fields and around to the left. There was a small clearing and he could see three rose bushes. One had pink roses, one had white buds and the third hadn’t flowered at all yet. “They’re very pretty.”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll stick to daffodils. They’re more me.”
“You could always keep this space clear to experiment with different types of plants—to see which ones you like the best.”
“Yes, I thought of that. I’ve always got my gum trees too. Daffodils and gum trees. I’m happy with that.”
Fletcher looked up and saw the cluster of trees straight ahead. “Let’s go over there.”
They hopped side by side over the field of lush green grass filled with flowers. Green and gold, Fletcher thought. It reminded him of the parkland when he was alive. Back there when the wattle came out in the winter time, the golden buds stood out against the green leaves and grass. Silkie had created a similar environment here.
“Have you been thinking much about what Ariana said last time we met together?” Fletcher asked.
“Yes, I have. Acceptance. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
“Me too. I can see that it would be helpful but the hardest part is that we can’t remember any of these ideas while we’re alive.”
“That’s why we have to keep practising. Let’s practise together now.”
Fletcher nodded. “OK. You go first.”
In Silkie’s last lifetime she had been Daniel’s mother and Daniel had died when he was very young. She didn’t have any other children so Daniel was the apple of her eye. Her husband, a kangaroo named Nicholas, became very withdrawn in his grief and didn’t give Silkie the affection or comfort that she needed, so she felt very alone.
Daniel was only a joey but he followed some of the older children in his mob around. Most days the older kangaroos swam in the river but Daniel wasn’t allowed because he was so small. One day though, when it was really hot, he decided that he was now big enough to swim. All the other kids were allowed to go in and he wanted to join them. His parents need never find out, so it would all be OK.
He hopped towards the bank and jumped into the river, making a huge splash. The water was icy and he struggled to catch his breath. And the water was much deeper than he expected it to be so he couldn’t reach the bottom. He swallowed a lot of water and although his friends tried to drag him to the edge, it was too late.
The oldest boy, Freddie, felt obliged to find Silkie and Nicholas and deliver the tragic news. Silkie held herself together reasonably well for the first few days, but when Nicholas withdrew into himself, she didn’t have anyone to confide in and she didn’t cope well at all.
“Tell me,” Fletcher said gently. “Tell me what you did after your son died.”
Silkie sat down and described what she had felt. “I couldn’t cope. I tried to get up each day and carry on with life but it was too hard. It was easier to just keep sleeping. If I slept all day and all night, I didn’t have to spend time with anybody else, I didn’t have to see their pitying looks, I didn’t have to watch them try to find the right thing to say. It was just too difficult. So, for most of each day I slept. Naturally, I went to the river to get a drink when I needed it, but never when anyone else was nearby. Nicholas and I grew apart, both lost in our grief. I had no idea how to get better. I was overwhelmed with sadness and I couldn’t see any way out. Now I’m trying to imagine how I might have been more accepting but honestly Fletch, that would never have occurred to me when I was alive.”
“OK. So, let’s try it. Stay in that space where you’re remembering how you felt.”
Silkie closed her eyes. “OK, I’m there.”
“Now, I want the Silkie from that lifetime to listen to me.”
“I’m listening.”
“Silkie, what happened to Daniel isn’t anyone’s fault. It was an accident—a dreadful accident. But can you imagine your life going on from here?”
“I can’t. Back then I couldn’t. Not at all.”
“Right, but now we’re going to pretend that you can. What’s one small thing you could do to help you start to recover?”
“Get up at the normal time each morning.”
“Good. That’s a start. You could re-establish a daily routine. Even if you started with something simple like going for a hop first thing each morning. At first, you might still sleep a lot after that, but it’s a start. And can you understand that what happened wasn’t your fault?”
“I never really blamed myself.”
“Good. So, can you accept it and move on?”
“No, I can’t.” Silkie spoke as honestly as she could, pretending she was still in that lifetime. “That’s just it. I can’t accept it. My baby boy was taken from me and I want him back.”
“I know, I know, but is there anything else you can think of that you can do to help you feel better?”
Silkie opened her eyes and lifted her head. Speaking as herself now, rather than the Silkie from that lifetime, she said, “That’s what hurt the most. I felt cheated. It wasn’t fair. What happened to Daniel just wasn’t fair, and I never got over it. I felt I had the right to be angry but staying miserable for the rest of that life was quite a waste of time.”
She stopped and thought some more. “If only I had kept taking small steps. If only I had made the effort to talk to other kangaroos, rather than cut myself off. If only I had stayed connected to Nicholas—perhaps we could have helped each other. I needed to keep trying things but instead I gave up.”
“That’s good,” Fletcher said. “All these ideas are bound to help you next time around.”
Silkie laughed. “When I get in that headspace and really remember how it felt, I don’t know that I want to go back for more. But you’re right. Of course you’re right. I will go back to earth one day and face another dose of grief. And I need to take these ideas with me so I can handle it better.”
“Good. So, you said you wanted to take small steps. Even in the depths of your pain, when it’s most difficult, it’s important to take those small steps. Talking to other kangaroos, helping those around you, maintaining your daily routine, even just getting up each morning.”
“Yes,” Silkie said. “All of that. And hopefully, over time, it will get easier. But I’ve got to try. I really must. I don’t want to keep reincarnating into these ‘grief’ lifetimes forever.”
Fletcher smiled. He felt the same way. He was eager to learn as much as he could so that when he next went to earth he would cope better. “Is there anything else you can think of, Silkie?”
She lowered her head down to the ground again as she pondered Fletcher’s question. “Ariana told us to practise acceptance and that’s what I need to do. Accept that what happened was out of my control. Accept that I lost my baby—as hard as that is. And keep functioning through each day. That’s all I can think of.”
“And that’s really good. So, your strategy is to keep going. That’s a good plan, Silkie. Do you feel OK?”
“Yes, I do. Thanks for that, Fletch. You’ve given me some good ideas to work with. Let’s go for a hop.”
They hopped through the fields, getting faster and faster. Fletcher remembered how he loved to hop when he was alive. He would go as fast as he could, breathing deeply and feeling his heart race. He didn’t experience those physical sensations in the same way anymore—he didn’t have a heartbeat and he didn’t need to breathe—but he could still enjoy the scenery around him and the ever-present sense of peace.
Fletcher will return Friday 12 June. Stay tuned!
