Fletcher the Kangaroo – Life and Death: Chapter Twenty One
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Hopping over the grass, Fletcher looked out to the lake. A little further down the hill he could see Bonnie and Daniel sitting side by side. He hopped towards them and sat on the grass just in front of them.
“Hi Fletch,” Bonnie said. “Come and join us.”
“Thanks. I’d like that.”
Daniel was a quiet kangaroo—he simply smiled.
“We were just working through a scenario of Daniel’s. I was pretending to be his mother and my husband, Daniel’s father, had recently died.”
Fletcher didn’t quite understand. “But in your last lifetime Ivan was your son, wasn’t he? I didn’t think it was Daniel.”
“That’s right,” Daniel offered. “We were talking about a hypothetical lifetime, so I could get some practice in a different scenario.”
Fletcher nodded. “I see. And is it helping?”
Bonnie smiled. “Daniel is doing very well.”
Daniel shrugged. “I’m trying. I have a habit of blaming myself, so I’m looking at how I can overcome that.”
“Can I help at all?” Fletcher asked.
“Perhaps you could watch,” Bonnie suggested, “and give us some feedback.”
Fletcher listened as Bonnie and Daniel played out their scene. He watched the dynamic between them both as they stepped into the roles of mother and son and he saw the strain that the death put on their already fragile relationship. Fitting with their usual tendencies, Daniel was introverted and carried the burden of responsibility while Bonnie explored ways to handle grief in her determined and tenacious way.
When they finished they were interested to hear Fletcher’s perception of what they had done.
“You were so sensitive, Daniel. It looked like your father’s death totally overwhelmed you.”
Daniel nodded. “I was trying to make it realistic.”
“I just wonder if you could try being stronger. Of course it’s hard when you’re alive, but that’s the beauty of practising here—we can try anything we like. Imagine you’re more like…. I don’t know…. like Ivan.”
Daniel and Bonnie laughed softly. They understood exactly what Fletcher meant. Ivan had a more imposing personality and he had the ability to inject humour into even the most serious situations.
Daniel raised his eyebrows. “As much as I love Ivan, his personality is about as different from mine as it could be.”
“I know,” Fletcher replied. “But just try it out.”
Just then Fletcher felt a tug within him and he knew that Ariana was calling the group together. Bonnie and Daniel felt it too.
“Come on,” Bonnie said. “Let’s go.”
They hopped to the clearing where they usually met together and sat down in a circle with the rest of the group. Fletcher hopped over to where Silkie was sitting and settled himself beside her.
Ariana looked around the group and smiled. Her eyes moved from one kangaroo to the next. When she made eye contact with Fletcher, he felt a deep sense of belonging.
“Picking up from where we finished off last time, does anyone have any questions?”
Ivan leaned forward slightly. “How many more lifetimes do you think we will spend on grief?”
“That depends on how quickly you learn. But just like we’ve done in the past, we will wait until every one of you has discovered your best way to process grief. When we all feel ready we will move on to something else as a group.”
“Don’t hold your breath,” Ivan joked, “I think I need quite a few lifetimes yet.”
Fletcher smiled and nodded his head. He felt the same way.
“Any other questions?” Ariana asked.
A few moments passed before Daniel spoke. “I was just working with Bonnie and Fletcher and I was wondering…. ”
“Go on,” Ariana said gently.
“We talked about pretending we had different personality traits.”
“Can you explain that a bit further for the benefit of the group?”
“Well, I seem to respond in the same way each time I encounter grief. I withdraw and blame myself, whereas other kangaroos might let their feelings out more, cry a lot or even become angry. So, I wanted to ask, is it helpful to deliberately take on different traits to look for new ways to overcome grief?”
Ariana beamed. “What a wonderful idea. This isn’t what I had planned to work on today but the agenda has just changed. It’s one of those spontaneous lessons where your input shapes the course of what we do. So, you all heard what Daniel said. We are going to firstly identify our most common techniques that we use when we encounter grief, then we’re going to change it up. I’d like you to think of three things you could try if you had strengths that you don’t normally associate yourself with.”
Ariana hopped into the centre of the circle and faced each kangaroo, one by one. “Silkie, you are going to take on courage. Fletcher, I’m allocating you determination. Ivan, you can try shyness. Bonnie, I’ll give you adaptability. Laura, experiment with being introverted. Daniel, you can be forthright. And Rachel, I want you to be cautious. Imagine that they are dominant traits in your makeup and see how you feel. Play around with what words you might use, what thoughts you might think and what courses of action you might take. I want each of you to pretend that you have lost a child in sudden, tragic circumstances and discuss with your partner how you might respond.”
The kangaroos broke off into pairs, thinking about the task that Ariana had laid out for them. Fletcher was with Ivan. “I’ve got to be determined,” Fletcher said.
“That’s right. And I’ve got to be shy. Let’s give it a go, shall we?”
Fletcher thought about how it would feel if determination was one of his major traits. “I guess if I was so determined, I might be consciously looking for ways to process my grief. The determination might give me the motivation to try different things while I’m alive. That’s exactly what we do here—try different approaches—so if that came more naturally to me while I was alive…. ”
“Does it help?” Ivan asked.
“I think so. I don’t feel quite as lost or helpless. I think I would be more likely to keep trying, rather than feeling so overwhelmed. What about you? What if you were shy? Does that change things very much?”
Ivan looked thoughtful. “It does. If I were shy and sensitive, which is not what I’m normally known for, I would perhaps feel the pain more acutely. I think it would make me more vulnerable.”
“And how does that compare to your normal approach?”
“In my last few lifetimes I became very angry and I focused on the enormous feeling of injustice—that I should suffer and that loved ones should die. I think if I was more shy, it would soften the way I feel and make me less aggressive.”
“Can you imagine how that might have affected your most recent lifetime?”
“I can. I lost my daughter and I took my grief out on the rest of my family. If I had taken a gentler approach, it would have been quite a different experience, not just for me but for those close to me as well.”
***
After a little while, Ariana called the group back together. “As you know, it’s up to each of you individually to practise what we discuss here as a group. And I strongly recommend that you keep practising different personality traits because it is a wonderful way to explore different techniques—things that you might not otherwise think of. So, thank you Daniel for your suggestion. I think it has benefited everyone here.”
Daniel smiled shyly. Fletcher was pleased that Daniel had received Ariana’s praise in front of the group because he would not normally draw attention to himself.
“So,” Ariana continued, “what I wanted to do today was our final analysis of Fletcher’s lifetime. Fletcher, you’ve been back for some time now and you have looked carefully at the significant points in your life with Miles, Shelley and Martin, so I want to have one final discussion as a group to make sure we have looked at all the key moments with you.”
Fletcher hadn’t expected that today’s meeting would be about his lifetime but he was happy that he was in the final stages of working through it. Ariana must be pleased with his progress and satisfied that he had learnt what he needed to learn.
“Of course, the main lessons in that life were centred around grief and yes, Fletcher grieved for Martin. The sadness and heartache he felt allowed him to practise the techniques that we have been discussing here. He also took on the responsibility of being a father figure to his younger siblings.
“What I would like to look at now are some of the smaller, but still significant actions, that Fletcher took while he was on earth. Let’s all think of something he did that had a positive impact on another kangaroo. This is an open discussion, so feel free to put your ideas forward.”
Rachel spoke first. “What stood out to me was the way he bonded with his little sister Teresa. I know we’ve talked a lot about how he related to his parents and Miles, but the kindness you showed to Teresa really touched me here.” Rachel tapped her chest, indicating that she felt the emotion in her heart.
Fletcher smiled. He remembered playing with Teresa and how delightful and unassuming she was.
Ariana nodded. “Yes, that is indeed true. Fletcher, it was the first time you and Teresa had been in the same family but the closeness between you was typical of kangaroos who had lived together many times. Any other ideas?”
“Yes,” Ivan said. “What impressed me most was the way Fletcher made time to be by himself. It’s not so much impacting another kangaroo but it was important for his own wellbeing. It’s easy when we’re here to take time out and be at peace but it’s not so easy when we’re alive. More than ever before, I think Fletcher made good use of some alone time and it helped him stay balanced and grounded.”
“That’s a good point,” Ariana said. “Thank you, Ivan. What other ideas can we come up with?”
The discussion continued and each kangaroo had a turn at highlighting one aspect of Fletcher’s life—one positive, meaningful thing that he had done. Fletcher listened to everything that was said and he glowed inside, full of gratitude for what his closest friends could see in him. Over and over again they had noticed that he was kind. Kind to his mother, his grandmother, his siblings and even Donovan. This helped him understand that kindness was one of his strengths and he hoped to recognise that in himself more easily in the future.
Ariana turned to face him. “Use these ideas well, Fletcher. Remember all the good things you did when you were alive and acknowledge them as strengths that you have already developed. Your consideration for others is admirable and you can be very proud of yourself.” Ariana looked around the group. “As I’m sure you’re all aware we need to also discuss the things that Fletcher can work on improving.”
Fletcher made a swallowing motion. Deep down he knew this was coming and he understood that it was important. It felt wonderful hearing about all the things he had done well but he knew he would learn far more from dissecting the things that he hadn’t done so well.
“Again, let’s all come up with something from Fletcher’s lifetime and we will look at those situations together.”
“I’ve got something,” Silkie said. “There was a time when Fletcher argued with his mother. They didn’t often disagree but this one time it led to a heated argument. Perhaps we could look at that.”
Fletcher knew exactly what Silkie was talking about—the time when Shelley hadn’t punished Sonny for hitting Teresa. If anyone had reminded him of this while he was still alive he would have felt deeply ashamed, but here it was different. He felt a little bit of discomfort but more than anything, the situation provided him with an opportunity to learn. And overall, that felt really good.
“OK,” Ariana said. “We’ll start there. Fletcher, I know you have considered this scenario a number of times since you have been back here but let’s pull it apart once more. You reacted quickly, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I was angry and I took it out on Shelley. That’s what I want to change in future. I want to stop and think before I react.”
“To be fair,” Ivan said, “you and Shelley resolved the situation pretty quickly. It didn’t become an ongoing grudge between the two of you.”
“That’s right,” Ariana said. “Fletcher apologised quickly and Shelley forgave him but we’re looking for opportunities for improvement. What could he have done differently?”
No more ideas were forthcoming so Ariana told Fletcher that it was likely he had already discovered the best solutions and that he ought to keep practising them.
“Now, what other scenarios come to mind?”
Bonnie spoke next. “There was a time when Fletcher was young, when he went to the forest with Martin. On this particular day, they left before sunrise and Fletcher—still half asleep—tripped over a rock in the dark. Martin roused on him for not looking where he was going and Fletcher felt guilty for the rest of the day.”
“I know the time you mean,” Daniel said, “but he didn’t do anything wrong. It was Martin who spoke so harshly.”
“Yes, but what I’m getting at is how Fletcher allowed his father’s words to hurt him so deeply. I’m wondering if there’s a way he could feel stronger on the inside so that comments from others don’t hurt as much.”
“I was pretty young,” Fletcher said.
“Yes,” Bonnie replied, “I know that. I still think it’s a good example though.”
“And it is,” Ariana agreed. “It’s a very good example. Fletcher, you have been working on your self-esteem for a long time now and it has improved greatly but Bonnie is right. You must continue to strengthen it. Let’s get some ideas that Fletcher can take away to help him with that.”
“Just believe that you are strong,” Ivan said. “Let that be your point of reference. Believe that you’re strong, act like you’re strong and see how your behaviour changes.”
“It’s just like what we were talking about recently,” Laura said. “Taking on different personality traits.”
“You could imagine that you are the father and Martin is the son,” Silkie suggested. “A kind of role reversal. I think you would feel differently if you were the adult in that scene.”
“It’s worth experimenting with,” Ariana said. “Remember all these ideas, Fletcher. They give you a lot to work with.”
“I definitely will. I’ll remember them all.”
“And before we finish up, I’d like to turn our attention to Miles. He’s feeling the pain of Fletcher’s loss quite keenly at the moment.”
“Yes,” Ivan said. “He’s the only one of us doing the hard yards at the moment.” Although there was a lightness and a hint of humour in what he said, it was clear that he spoke with empathy.
“Miles will get through this,” Ariana continued, “but let’s help him along. Open your hearts and send him your love.” The kangaroos sat silently with eyes closed and thought of Miles. They sent him healing and support. “Thank you everyone. Miles will feel the effect of your love—perhaps not in his conscious mind but inside he will know.”
***
Fletcher watched the other kangaroos disperse and go their separate ways. Ivan, Rachel and Laura hopped down towards the water, while Bonnie and Daniel moved across to the nearby rocks. Fletcher turned his head to the side and saw that Silkie hadn’t moved—she seemed to be waiting for him to decide where he wanted to go. “Are you feeling OK?” she asked.
“Me?” Fletcher said. “Yeah, I feel great. Better than great. You know, for a while I felt like I was getting used to being back here but now I feel that I really am where I belong.”
“I’m glad you’re back,” Silkie said with a smile.
Fletcher nodded. “Me too. I’ve got so much to work on. I feel like I have all this new material that was generated from my life on earth and if I put it to good use I can understand grief so much better than I ever have before. I’ve got to make the most of it.”
Silkie patted him on the shoulder. “You will. I have no doubt at all. Out of our whole group, I think you’re the best at analysing situations and getting the most value from them.”
“Not as good as Rachel,” Fletcher stated. “She’s really good at looking at things from different points of view.”
“Even so, you’re pretty good yourself.”
“And that’s just why we all love going to earth so much, isn’t it? To feel things more strongly, to form relationships with other kangaroos, to make our own mistakes and ultimately to find solutions to problems.”
“I couldn’t have put it better myself. Do you want to come down to the water?”
“Actually, I thought I might visit Martin. I’d like to talk to him again and thank him for being with me in my last lifetime. If he hadn’t been so hard on me I wouldn’t have been able to grow as much as I did.”
“That’s a good idea. It’s nice to reconnect with kangaroos from other groups who have been our family members.”
“So, you enjoy the water but I’ll go and find Martin.”
“OK. I’ll see you when you get back.”
Fletcher hopped up behind the rocks and proceeded to the edge of the pod. Without any hesitation he hopped through the wall and found himself floating in orange light. As he drifted by, he brought an image of Martin clearly into his mind. Without speaking aloud, he asked him if he would like to meet. And before he knew it, Martin was floating by his side.
“Fletcher,” Martin said with much fondness.
“Martin,” Fletcher replied. “It’s funny, I almost called you Dad.”
Martin grinned. “They were good times, weren’t they? Back when we were on earth?”
“If you’d asked me that when I was alive my answer would have been very different, but yes, now I can see that they were good times. Would you like to go to my place?”
“How about I show you mine? You haven’t been there before.”
“Sure,” Fletcher agreed.
Martin led Fletcher to a forest. It was deep, dark and damp. Fletcher looked around in awe. “My place is so different to this. But this is why you liked the forest so much on earth, isn’t it?”
“It is. I didn’t realise it at the time of course, because I couldn’t remember where I’d come from, but it certainly all made sense to me once I had returned here.”
“It’s beautiful. It’s so still. And silent. I can see why you love it.”
“I’ll show you my favourite spot. Come down here a little further.”
Fletcher followed Martin down a track that wove its way through the pine trees.
“It’s not far now, just up ahead.”
Fletcher looked around as he hopped, enjoying the faint scent of eucalyptus. And then, around one more bend, he heard the sound of running water. Martin stopped hopping, placed his paws on his hips and wore an expression of pride on his face.
Fletcher wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to be looking at. “Oh, the creek?”
Martin nodded. “My pride and joy. It’s the latest addition here. I’ve only just completed it.”
“It’s wonderful.”
“I’m going to make it bigger—much bigger—but I’ve finally got some fresh, flowing water. It took a long time to make.”
“I’m sure it did. I have a lake in my place. It’s pretty big but it doesn’t move. Getting the water to flow would take a lot of time and effort.”
“And it’s time well spent. This is my favourite spot to sit, to think and to rest.”
“Thanks for bringing me here.”
“Will you sit down?”
“Thanks. Last time I saw you I was still feeling the emotions from my life on earth pretty strongly but I’ve now developed a whole new perspective. What I’m trying to say is that I wanted to see you so I could thank you.”
Martin listened and let Fletcher continue to speak. “You helped me see that I am strong enough to keep on going even when things get hard.” Fletcher paused, thinking carefully about what he wanted to say. “We didn’t get along very well, did we?”
“That was the whole point. That’s what you wanted.”
“Yes. And it can’t have been easy for you, playing the role of the stern father. Talking to you like this, you’re not stern at all.”
Martin laughed softly. “It suited my personality in that lifetime. Did you know, when I was a joey in that life, I was really shy?”
Fletcher sat up straight. “I didn’t know that.”
“Well, I was. My father was tough on me and I didn’t want to upset him. That pattern carried on through another generation, causing me to be tough on you and Miles.”
“I didn’t know your parents. I only knew Grandma but she was on the other side of the family.”
“That’s right. My parents both died before you were born, even before I met Shelley.”
“Maybe if I had lived long enough to have joeys, I would have been really strict with them too.”
“Perhaps but not necessarily. There are many factors at play when we’re on earth, so it’s not easy to predict what our choices will be. But in my case, I followed in my father’s footsteps and was a strict parent. Next time I want to have a strict upbringing again but learn to overcome it so that I don’t treat my children so harshly. That’s what I’m currently working on.”
“Is all of your group doing that?”
“Yes. We’re learning to overcome family patterns.”
“Crikey,” Fletcher said. “That doesn’t sound easy.”
“Neither is grief. None of them are easy but we all keep doing our best, don’t we?”
“We sure do. Thanks for bringing me here and showing me your place. It really is beautiful.”
“Do you see that cliff face over there?”
“The light brown one?”
“That’s it. One day my creek will run all the way there.”
“Gee. That will be amazing.”
“I hope so. Now, I guess you’ll be wanting to head back, so let’s hop up the track together.”
Fletcher moved wordlessly by Martin’s side, listening to the soft thump of their feet on the dirt track.
